Georgia's not been herself lately. Could be from hitting 280, being born way back in 1732, last of the lucky 13 colonies to get going. Georgia lately seems liable to put reading glasses in the 'fridge, and the milk jug into the oven. Haven't seen the cat lately, but the clock's in the catbox, and the newspaper's right here, in the microwave. Hmmm. Something's not right.
Of course, there are all sorts of reasons events might seem inexplicable to someone not acclimated and acculturated to the art of goings-on in the peanuts-pecans-and-peaches state. Some things defy the ordinary belief that we all have our own peculiar ways of doing this and that, and that one should make some allowances for that. Here's one comes to mind:
A Georgia judge pulled out his gun while court was in session, in a rape case. Judge David Barrett said the female witness was "killing her case" with her reluctant testimony, said she might as well go ahead and shoot her lawyer. Most weird, a real collision of worlds, especially as how we also hear Wesleyan College in Macon was the first college in the world chartered to grant degrees to women.
Then, of course, we had the Queen of Loose Screws, one Orly Taitz of Birther-rama fame, previously fined for filing frivolous and fanciful lawsuit fare. Georgia Deputy Chief Judge Michael Malihi had earlier allowed another one of those suits through -- another involving supposed confusion over the place of President Obama's birth, and some legal wrangling over an ability for his name to appear on the Georgia ballot come voting time.
President Obama's lawyers sent Georgia Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, a letter requesting the fairy-tale madness be given the heave-ho. Kemp replied that not showing up for story-time would be done "at your own peril." Here, we are left with a vision of a tongue being stuck out in further punctuating a sloppy so-there.
Eventually, admin law Judge Malihi caved on his arrogant noodle-headedness, dismissing challenges that maintained President Obama might have a computer-generated birth certificate from Hawaii, among many other potential, trumped-up horrors alleged.
Thing is, the final yea-nay on President Obama's name appearing on the Georgia ballot goes to the Secretary of State, Mr. Kemp, a Republican -- speaking of which, is the largemouth bass still the state fish? And of laws, now, another question: Is it still illegal to eat chicken with a fork in Gainesville, the Chicken Capital of the World? The fried chicken in Georgia is a wonderful thing to behold, so we are told. Is this why the Nuclear Regulatory Commission has green-lighted the construction of not one, but two new nuke plants in Georgia, to ensure enough juice come dinner time?
We hope those won't be going in anywhere near the largest farmer's market of its kind, located in Forest Park -- although we sort of understand the big rush for money. After all, wasn't it in 1828 that a spot near the city of Dahlongea was the site of the first gold rush in America? Speaking of jackpots, there's the high-fructose-corn-syrup king of colas in the neighborhood, in The Cracker State, along with the sweetest onions around, the Vidalia.
Then, over the weekend, we heard five Georgia lawmakers -- at least, that's their supposed jobs in the state for which they are paid actual money -- were trying to pass a law that would allow them to pick and choose which federal laws they don't feel much like following. The U.S. Constitution says no-can-do, of course, so, what are these yahoos up to?
If you think we're picking on Georgia, it's untrue -- we have not lost you in the forest from looking at trees. Marshall Forest in Rome, as you know, is the only natural forest within a city limits in the United States at 250 or so acres, although Portland, Oregon's Forest Park, at 5,170 acres, may give a shout and want to tussle over that, among other U.S. contenders.
But, there's no disputing a number of amazing and wildly talented people have called Georgia home, among them Ray Charles, Joanne Woodward, Jackie Robinson, Harry James, Otis Redding, Amy Grant, Lawrence Fishburne, Gladys Knight, DeForest Kelley, Ossie Davis, Ty Cobb, Little Richard, Margaret Mitchell, Nipsey Russell, Juliette Gordon Low, and Martin Luther King, Jr., of course, among many others. Here's another, one guaranteed to win you some bar bets: Oliver Hardy's birthplace is in Harlem, Georgia -- site of the Laurel and Hardy Museum, first in the U.S. ever dedicated to the pair.
Quite a list -- one any state would envy. Oh, and Newt-the-Gingrich, too. Whoops! Sorry about that, sorry about your luck, Georgia. You were doing great until then.
Newt says he might not carry Georgia, a state he once supposedly represented in Congress, in the upcoming election -- feel the earth move, just then? Well, signs of hope, could be, it might be said, a little tremor of conscience out your way. We wish you all the best in your awakening, not doing the Newt, so the Newt can't be doing you, understand what we're all sayin'?
Field note: The name of the famous south Georgia swamp. the Okefenokee, is derived from a Native American word meaning the trembling earth.
Georgia is also home to the Mike Malloy radio program. If you are not listening to Mike, you aren't getting the full picture on reality, and so, likely not able to think things all the way through. So: Find Mike's show, listen, repeat, support. 'Nuff said.
