Given Willard Romney's constant taste-testing of his own feet, he must have athlete's tongue by now -- unless he has a protecting coating in there from enzymes produced in perpetual flip-flopping and the steady mouth-and-truth-stretching exercises from his incessant lying.

At least Paul Ryan adds some balance to the ticket:  When Willard is prevaricating, Paul can pick up the mantle of flat-out lying;  when Paul is dissembling, Willard can maintain his forked tongue.

The two men must also be pro golfers, based on all the great lies they regularly produce with all their balls.  And, as each man has at least one hole in his head, it appears they will be content to be scored as a hole in two.

The count of breathtakingly insane religions, cults, and allied wackos on the scene on any given day is limited only by your ability to use higher numbers.  Members always profess goodness and light, then commit dark and damaging acts.  The claims are high-minded, the deeds are low down.

Religion is an ancient subject and it gets older all the time.  Very old.

Sample just one nutball, a so-called pastor, by name of Terry Jones -- yes, the same one who burned Korans last year, instigating days of intensive rioting in Afghanistan.  This year, he's out to best his record, and has succeeded:  He backed a film providing insults aplenty for Muslims, who say it defames Islam and its holiest figure, Mohammad.

Once again, rioting and death follow this pastor's so-called good works.

It's Sunday, and Elvis's Bible just brought $94,000 at auction.

We are left in the pews wondering what Jesus might have made of that, in light of so many clear instructions and concise admonitions that the wealthy are to give their riches and material possessions to the poor.

There are likely no specific passages in the Bible providing a loophole to hoard wealth in order to buy a spendy celebrity Bible, but the ironies are still striking.

Not to get into a scripture-shootin' war here, but you'd think Matthew 19:21, Luke 12:33, and Proverbs 22:16 -- among many others -- would have had plenty to say to the devout, and have guided and coaxed much better behavior by now from all well-heeled Bible-thumpers.

* * * * *

 

Every time we seem to make any progress as a species, we tend to immediately slump back from the effort, exhausted.  Then, we invent something to take care of the new problem we've created from our initial efforts, and go on with our lives -- satisfied with a job well done.

In other places and times, this might have been called playing to a draw, but in our country, it's usually called Progress.

One of the most hair-raising and intriguing dances is life itself, of course -- although global climate change, religious conflicts and wars of all kinds are spine-chilling, too.  Those dances are all still in continuous motion, as is the case with the most intricate, hypnotic motions.

Here are some steps I've fallen over lately, ( just call me Dances with Gooney Birds ), and which have yielded curious results on examination:

You might remember President Obama saying he wanted to look forward, not back.  You may also remember Speaker Pelosi telling all of us that impeachment was off the table.

Memory is a most peculilar thing.

Those forgive-and-forget statements grow more stunning with time.  This is especially true now that Obama's Attorney General, Eric Holder, has in effect crashed any hopes of holding Bush administration officials accountable for torture and other abuses and crimes.

Holder has said no one would be prosecuted in the deaths of two prisoners held in CIA custody.  The chief lawyer of the U.S. government has said the lack of prosecution is not from moral acceptance but is symptomatic of the record being "not sufficient to obtain and sustain a conviction."

It's been a long weekend of eyebrow-lifting reports, likely the perceptual hangovers from the holiday, combined with the come-and-go effects of our ongoing intersection with the Bizarro Universe.

Steely-eyed readers with exceptional powers of recall will remember these odd and unpredictable effects on life in this universe first began because of -- or resulted in -- Willard Romney's selection of Paul Ryan to be his Veep-runner in this marathon presidential race.

Head of Monitoring at the Truly Vast Array of Radio Dishes, Optical Telescopes, and the Koole-Lukking Instrumentation Cluster at Imposing Institute, Dr. Oliver Sudden, said, "We've been keeping an eye on Bizarro outbreaks over the weekend, and there's been a rise in dumbfounding events -- although there's nothing quite like Americans having a long holiday during a full moon, either, to kick things up a notch."