And now, boys and girls, a story about Missing Links in the Republican Party:
There came a time -- just once, so far -- when the Big Red Republican Bus made room for everyone inside, even the people usually considered too nasty or looney or strange to ride with all the nice people who rode the Big Red Bus for years and years and years.
These new-ish, and very different people, were called the BS-ers, which was short for the Bus-Stoppers and Bus-Toppers. These were nicknames for people who would try to stop the Big Red Bus as it sped down the highway, and try to make the driver at least let them ride up on top, outside, in the open air -- because they wanted to be part of the Big Red Bus Ride so very, very much.
The BS-ers came from all over. They believed in many odd and terrible things -- things that most people in the country didn't really believe, not deep down inside. The people inside the Big Red Bus sort of believed in these things, too, but it made them feel guilty and bad, because they knew it wasn't nice to believe in those BS-er things.
This is because the God blessing the Big Red Bus Fleet told them so. God's rules were really specific and clear. There was no getting around them. But, the Big Red Bus Riders really liked believing in their God, but they also really liked those BS-er things, too, deep down inside. The Riders told everyone -- even themselves! -- that they didn't really believe in them, just in the Fleet rules of their God.
It made them feel better that way, like having all their hate, but fearing it, too -- like you might like to have your cake and then eating it, too!
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