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Alex Baer: Field Guide to Republican Lifeforms

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GOP life formsWelcome back to another edition of Field Guide to Humanity: The Strange and Puzzling Account of Homo Confusus.

This time out, we tackle the political animal (Spotlightus Selfinterestus) yet again, continuing to fine-comb through behavioral traits and observations, examining myth and lore, and then on to some leap-of-guesswork field scrutiny to discover the innermost secrets of this strange and almost disturbingly gregarious tribe.

Political animals, as you remember from last time, come in a handful of subsets, with two main co-ruling -- and constantly warring -- parties:  "Republicans" (Boneheadus Maximus) and "Democrats" (Spinus Missingus).

Each subject shares a number of general behavioral adaptations within the larger group, as we have discussed.  One group excels in many of those traits specified previously: obfuscation of facts, denial of responsibility, blockading and obstructing the forward motion of other groups, instilling the fear of others within tribal members under their hypnotic control, acting out of altruism (rare) or greed (typical), and so forth.

Today, we focus on "Republicans" (aka Facepalmus Floorus) and a few of their many subgroups.  It is important to immediately mention that this group has many more chameleonic shadings than others so far encountered.  Many sightings over time are required for proper and accurate placement within scientific organizational charts.

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