Once Upon A Time we believed everything we were told. While we were being taught how to dress and feed ourselves we were also beginning to learn a bunch of baloney. I learned how to tie my shoes just in time to walk to school to learn about God. As it turned out, I didn’t need to know those two things.
I was in my twenties when I stopped tying my shoes and bought boots and sandals. I discovered that if I bent down to tie my shoes when I had a really bad hangover my head would explode. The solution was different footwear … not abstinence.
I jettisoned God in the first few seconds after receiving my first Holy Communion when I was seven years old. The delusional nuns and priests had led me to believe that I was going to be filled with Jesus Christ the moment the wafer touched my tongue.
I waited. No heavenly flash-bang. So I chewed up the Body of Christ and swallowed him. Maybe He had to hit the stomach before He made His presence known. Nope. Not a peep from the Son of God. Not only that … He didn’t even taste good. In fact … He didn’t taste like anything. A Necco wafer had more going for it than the King of Kings. So my first realization was that Jesus tasted kind of blah … and my second realization was that I had memorized a ton of nonsense for nothing.
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